This morning I was up and dressed to ride to the Women's Triathlon Training Program running session. I was feeling really anxious about the ride, so I decided not to wear my new cycling shoes. I got myself out of the apartment and was on my way, but I was feeling stressed and unhappy about being too nervous to ride with cleats. I decided that going running was not the best use of my time. Instead I turned around and came back to practise clicking in and out. I thought about taking the bike outside, but I passed on that idea as I'm still quite nervous about it.
I know that there's nothing wrong with being nervous. What's bothering me is that much of this nervousness is the result of picking up other people's concerns. My mum doesn't like the idea of me falling off the bike, which is perfectly natural. I can cope with that. I've noticed that people fall into two categories (a) cyclists who use cleats who all assure me that I'll be fine and I'll be so happy that I made the switch and (b) everybody else who think I'm crazy. The clear divide is quite amusing. The people who use cleats know it can be done, so of course they are positive about it. The others are thinking of gravel rash so they aren't particularly keen.
Yesterday I saw one of my close friends for the first time since I decided to do this and was happily telling them that I was starting to ride with cleats. Their horrified reaction really bothered me. They were genuinely worried about me, in particular about the possibility that I would fall under a truck. I smiled and shrugged it off, but it's obviously been playing on my mind. Not the "fall under a truck" thing, the "overwhelming concern" thing. I'm not used to people worrying about me. I'm the sensible one who can look after herself, the responsible oldest child, the competent achiever. It's a strange experience to have people tell me that they think I'm making a mistake.
This morning I have been clicking in and out while watching Sunrise. I know I can do it. All I have to do is get the bike outside and do it there. I have the cycling session tomorrow morning but I don't know if I'm ready to get out there that soon. I'll have to see how I go tomorrow morning. I wish these decisions came with a reliable schedule so you knew when you'd get over the butterflies and get on with it.
Today I see the sports doctor and find out what's going on with my knee. I have my PT session with Julia this evening too. At least I'll be getting some exercise. I don't think clicking in and out really counts as a workout.